Many a time I've pondered the inner power I possess to attracts freaks - my freak magnetism, if you will. Tonight, after devouring a gluttonous portion of blue cheese drenched in honey, one such freak pinged me on Facebook. Said freak had pursued, pursued, pursued, was granted an audience, then cancelled via text an hour and fifteen minutes prior to the audience. Nary a phone call was received to apologize or reschedule, yet said freak continues to ping me with ridiculously juvenile greetings like, "Hi cutie" and the even harder to resist (God, keep me strong!), "Hey."
How Honey fell across Blue Cheese for the first time, I truly do wonder. Did Honey try Swiss? Gouda? Did she give it a go with Manchego before she met Blue? Maybe she tried Swiss a few times. Swiss is interesting, foreign. Swiss has depth, texture - is slightly nutty (and who doesn't love a little nutty?) and makes her smile.
But before she could meet Blue, Honey must have gotten some good advice. Someone must have said, "Honey, Gouda smokes - and you don't work well with smokers, you know this. Swiss just isn't all there - and you need substance, consistency, you know this. You're absolutely amazing - you're sweet and golden and you sparkle. You've gotta learn to say, 'You don't deserve this much pleasure!' and save yourself for someone who deserves the delicious happiness you offer." Honey was lucky to know such a ham.
Taking a lesson from Honey, I will announce (in the depths of my secret heart) to any freaks I attract, "You don't deserve this much pleasure." I am sweet, I sparkle, I have a heart of gold. And if I'm feeling bitter I may add that they have missing parts and smell like smoke.
You don't deserve this much pleasure, Gouda. There's plenty of Blue Cheese out there.
